Dear Jessica Brennan,
I have been writing a lot about love recently because life has taught me a lot about the many faces of it in the last little while. If you will indulge me, I would like to write about it again, this time with the strange analogy of baking soda and vinegar.
Remember in school when they had you drop baking soda into vinegar and you got to watch it erupt up out of the test tube and onto the desk? Hold that thought.
Have you ever felt helpless, fearful and alone? What I find is when I feel that way, or when I talk to people who are feeling depleted and defeated, one thing rings true. We don’t tend to wear shirts that say, “Help Me I’m Sad”. We try to act strong, be the life of the party and carry on. Stiff upper lip, and all that.
Most of us want to pretend that we are fine even when we are not. That’s the polite way to behave. Don’t be a burden on others.
Yet if you have ever suffered from depression, or know someone who has there are some common elements that reveal themselves. In most cases, even if the depressed person cannot get out of bed for hours on end, has no inclination to shower, eat or do anything socially, they force themselves to do it anyway, thinking it will solve the problem.
Spoiler alert: It doesn’t work that way.
There are many chronically depressed people in our midst, who have painted a smile on their face and go to their jobs, try to be energetic and then go home feeling ashamed and cry or numb themselves with alcohol or drugs or other addictions that mask the problem.
Behind the smile and the brave face and the strong words, they can’t actually breathe.
So Dear Jessica, when you find someone who is too sad to cry. Cry your tears for them. And when you find someone who is in a place of not being able to love themselves because they are too exhausted from the world, too sick or sad or overwhelmed, fill them up with your love. Do it even when you feel beaten down yourself if you can because the thing about the most valuable commodity on the planet (love) is that it grows exponentially when given to another person.
Depression is a real thing, and love is only one part of the solution, but dumping your love as a gift into another person’s empty heart is like turning yourself into baking soda and diving into vinegar. For the time it is erupting, those moments of connection will provide a bubbling reprieve that just might be long enough for you both to take a breath, and one breath can give enormous comfort when you’re suffocating.
Love,
Mum xo
