Dear Jessica Brennan,
A few weeks ago we got some new chairs for the back patio. When they were delivered they were well packaged to protect them from any bumps along the way. The wrapping consisted of large plastic sheets, cardboard and long white plastic twine tied and wrapped around the backs and seats. I tried to untie the twine but it was too tight to get undone so I got the garden shears out to do the job. They were too dull and the twine too heavy. I remembered I had just bought some new kitchen scissors so I brought them out, still in the package to use on the twine.
The scissors were in a clear plastic shell. It looked like it should pull apart but when I tried, it wasn’t budging. There were other clues as to how to release them, like staples so I tried pulling those out but only managed to puncture my finger with the end of one.
It was hot that Saturday and I was outside trying to accomplish this task, so I thought I better put on some sunscreen but first I needed to see to my bleeding finger. Somehow I guess I managed to buy the only bandages on the planet that didn’t have the tabs to get into them, and I was ripping away at it until I gave myself a paper cut. Isn’t it ironic?
I went in the house and grabbed the sunscreen bottle and started pumping to get the cream to come out. It wasn’t moving, so I had to unscrew it and try to unclog the pump. No luck. I’ll just have to burn to death.
I had a headache by now, likely heat stroke, so I went to get the ibuprofen. I couldn’t for the life of me get the lid off. I tried unscrewing it, pressing and unscrewing, banging it on the brick on the back of the house, but to no avail. Finally in nothing short of a miracle, (and a litany of bad names I called it) the lid popped off, and alas I found that there was a plastic seal over the top of the jar. I couldn’t get it to come off, no matter how I poked at it, so finally I used the dandelion puller to pry my way into the bottle.
In the end I gave up on the whole business and went in to make dinner. Chicken and rice seemed good so I pulled the strip off the rice package and measured out the grains. Do you think I could get it to reseal? I pushed those zipper things together from every side, top and bottom, but no. No way was that thing closing. I snapped it with a clothespin and shoved it in the cupboard.
From socks to light bulbs, furniture to batteries and printer toner, how can everything be so hard to unpack? How many people have chosen death over trying one more time to get into their medication?
Have you ever tried to get away from those Styrofoam popcorn packaging thingys? They stick to absolutely everything and you can’t sweep them or pick them up. They multiply ten times faster than you can ever contain them too. At our house we can’t stand those things. You open something in the attic that is packed in them, then look out the window and see one on the neighbour’s lawn. How do they do that? They cause heightened anxiety for us and the cats. Those popcorny thingys really like to stick to cats.
The only fun packaging obviously is bubble wrap, but that seems wasteful when you think of all the plastic it takes to make the bubbles.
You shouldn’t be afraid to open a package because it might wound you. My scissors had a warning on them but there is no way they were as dangerous as the package they are still in. “Warning, scissors are sharp but packaging may cause death.”
What if there was a law that you could only use things that already exist to package new things? Old T-shirts around glassware and ice cream tubs for containers would be a good start. Sunscreen could come in an old paint can. I would be so happy if my new scissors came in an old ice cream tub. Instead of just having bad dreams about them, I might have actually been able to use them by now.
Love Mum
xo
