Dear Jessica Brennan,
On the issue of karaoke. Here’s my call. Karaoke is like belly-tops. Those who shouldn’t often do.
I have never sung Karaoke. I never will, but for those who do, I would like to know exactly what it is they are thinking when they’re wailing out the old standards like Patsy Cline’s “Crazy,” Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You,” or Robbie Williams’ “Angels.”I want to know what people are thinking because I have heard all of the above artists sing, and karaoke singers don’t sound like them. I want to understand what they are thinking because I don’t think I’ve ever thought those particular thoughts that convince me that in this one moment, on a little stage hooked up to a DJ speaker, I might sound just like Celine Dion.
Karaoke is like a cult. There are karaoke stars and fans, an entire subculture of celebrities and followers. To me, karaoke is like smoking. I don’t smoke, and I don’t want to inhale your second-hand smoke. I don’t sing karaoke, and I don’t like to have to hear your second-hand karaoke. It’s common courtesy to keep air pollution or noise pollution to oneself, isn’t it, sweetie?
Now, I am not an amateur-singer-hater like Dad. Dad does not believe that every child should have the opportunity to sing in the choir, nor does he think that every child should be on the track team. He feels that giving people false hope about things like their vocal ability only sets the stage for undoable psychological and societal cancers like American Idol to fester and grow, damaging one generation after another and gobbling up perfectly good air time that could be used for one hundred more seasons of Downton Abbey.
On the other hand, I think some amateur singers should be allowed to sing in the choir or chorus, or perhaps the shower, but not at the pub on a Wednesday night when I’m trying to have a laugh with my friend Dave. That’s annoying, which is why my pub of choice doesn’t have karaoke, and to be on the safe side, Dave doesn’t wear belly-tops either.
Love,
Mum xo
PS – Of course, I’m just being silly. I believe anyone who wants to sing karaoke should belt out a tune and that everyone, including Dave, has the right to wear a belly top. (Thanks for the photo, Tracey – Love you.)
