Dear Jessica Brennan,
Getting a new insurance policy is quite an adventure. First you sit with your insurance guy who apologetically asks you about 1000 personal questions to do with any health problem you have, may have had, are afraid of getting or hope to contract.
Insurance man: Have you ever had malaria?
Me: No
Insurance man: Are you sure?
Me: Yes
Insurance man: Have you ever had a mosquito related disease?
Me: No
Insurance man: Do you use narcotics?
Me: No
Insurance man: Do you think you might start
Me: No
And so it goes, sign here and here and here and over here, initial here, and that’s all for the privilege of having the insurance company call you and race through the same 1000 personal questions to do with any health problem you have, may have had, are afraid of getting or hope to contract. (This call is being recorded).
Lady on phone: Have you ever had malaria?
Me: No
Lady on phone: Are you sure?
Me: Pretty sure, yah
Lady on phone interrupting: Have you ever had a mosquito-related disease?
Me: Not to my knowledge
Lady on phone: Do you use narcotics?
Me: No
Lady on phone cutting me off: Do you think you might start
Me: Maybe, should I?
Once all of that is done, a nurse sets up an appointment to come to your house and makes you do all sorts of things, not worthy of putting in print, but first she asks you boredly the same 1000 personal questions to do with any health problem you have, may have had, are afraid of getting or hope to contract.
Nurse Ratched: Have you ever had malaria?
Me: I can neither confirm nor deny
Nurse Ratched: Have you ever had a mosquito related disease?
Me: Not telling…..bzz bzz
Nurse Ratched: Do you use narcotics?
Me: Yes, but you’ll need to get your own
The good news is Dear Jessica Brennan, that if your Dad and/or I pop our clogs from the chronic use of narcotics anytime soon, you’ll be well looked after.
Love Mum xo
PS – Don’t do drugs
