Everything is Different Now

Dear Jessica Brennan,

Everything has changed in the last 4 months. My job has expanded in some ways and contracted in others. 

My house has been upside down since Christmas due to renovations, and now it is as though we’re just moving in for the first time. I’m unpacking boxes of things I’m unsure I want or ever really wanted. 

This has become a metaphor for my whole life right now.

I now have a massage therapist, a chiropractor, an osteopath, a naturopath and a psychotherapist. Together with my family doctor, they are trying to solve the mystery of anxiety and chronic pain I have lived with for at least eighteen years.

My outlook is a thousand times better but still massively different from 2023 and before. I’m mostly calmer and healthier, but in a few moments, I’m more terrified, as I am now living directly in the mystery. 

I promised myself that this would be the year of “yes,” and in fulfilling this promise, I do feel sort of like a confused black bear dealing with insomnia during hibernation. 

I’m meant to sleep, but I can’t. With yes comes many nos.

My daily schedule is completely different, as is what I eat and how I behave and think. My world is exciting, way more risky, and different. I still look and sound like myself, but a shift is happening inside. I’m shedding the skin of a woman I once was to let out the person I’ve always been.

This work isn’t for the faint of heart, but it’s all good and very different. In the next four months, I expect everything to change for the better again. 

More to come on this over the next few weeks.

Love, 

Mum xo