If I Only Had the Nerve

Dear Jessica Brennan,

The interesting thing about bravery is that you usually don’t feel brave when you’re being brave.

If you’re waiting for some surge of courage to overcome you, you might be waiting a long time. Think about it. Have you ever had to have a complicated conversation with someone? You must be brave to do this, but did you feel brave?

Ending a long-term relationship is a good example. Have you ever had to be the first to say out loud, “This is over”?

You know there will be fallout as soon as the words leave your lips. You know it isn’t going to be pretty. The one who speaks first tends to get blamed. You are shaking like a leaf. 

Did you feel brave doing that brave thing? No, you felt awful.

Most people who are brave don’t recognize it in themselves. Yet, the response from the world around them points out the courageous act.

When we see brave people in the movies, they tear off their shirts, don a cape, and fly in to save the day. But in real life, most brave things are done by people who are scared stiff.

Fear, though, is not an excuse not to be brave. If everyone in history stopped because they were afraid, what would that have looked like? 

Do you think Rosa Parks felt brave? She was terrified.

Do you think the man who stood alone, staring down the tanks in Tiananmen Square, felt brave? What about Oskar Schindler? How do you think he felt?

Being brave does not require you to feel brave.

So those days when you think you just can’t manage, but you do. The day you visit a friend who is very ill, set boundaries with a bully, or go to a job interview even though you can hardly see straight for fear? That’s bravery at its hottest.

Let me repeat it. Bravery is best viewed by others and doesn’t require you to feel brave. In fact, when you display courage and step up and do that brave thing, you don’t feel brave at all. No one does.

Love,

Mum xo

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