Dear Jessica Brennan,
I have noticed that in an eerie and otherworldly way, a few days or weeks before a profound shift happens in my life — good or bad — I feel it coming in a firehose of emotion, and it’s painful. I am broody, depressed and anxious. I layer problems one on the other, lash out, am impatient and need a lot of solitude. I’m tearful, I don’t really sleep and I feel like I’m having a breakdown.
I’m not.
If you’re imagining a hungry, pacing lioness, maybe even tethered to a post, your mind’s eye has not let you down. A snarl here, and a hiss there, even when internalized, describes perfectly what is going on.
I think I go through these times mostly because I’m a slow learner. I don’t make rash decisions, and even when the pros outweigh the cons, I often stick with what I know, over what I need or want. I stay safe and don’t upset the applecart or anyone sitting on it. I don’t quickly honour my own reason for being here.
Let’s face it, the people around us will always praise us for not making any seismic changes. They only get to live once you know.
As attractive as I make this period of angst sound, it carries with it a great irony. I’m not breaking down, I’m waking up, and with these moments of struggle come insight that carves out a path for going forward. These tend to be, “come what may”, moments. The lioness contorts into the Incredible Hulk first — take no prisoners, get out of the way (No, really. Get out of the way) — and then she calms down, becomes brave and gets clear.
Here’s to clarity. Hiss.
Love,
Mum xo
