Dear Jessica Brennan,
Sometimes when you reach 50 or 60 or 70, people don’t want to mention age when they refer to you or themselves. It is kind of silly, but in any case, it is how it goes.
Recently I heard someone say, “She is a woman of a certain age,” so of course I stole it and now I say that too, mostly when I am being goofy.
When I heard this the first time, I had an image in my mind of what women of a certain age should look like, and I wasn’t sure if I could see myself being quite there yet. In my head a woman of a certain age should behave differently, I think. She is more sophisticated than me and likely doesn’t wear her socks outside. She probably isn’t addicted to Game of Thrones and no doubt she insists on at least two vegetables with every meal. I have seen these women. They are fantastic.
Then I got thinking about the saying, and the words that make it up, and I realized that I AM actually a woman of a certain age and in fact this year, 2018, a lot of women have joined this group, and many of them are not over 50. They’ve joined forces because we are living in a certain age, and in some ways, finally an age of certainty.
I am a woman of a certain age, because in this age I am certain of a few things that I wasn’t so sure of in the past. I am still uncertain about a lot, don’t get me wrong, but the things I am certain about are fundamental. I now know what basic things I will tolerate and what I won’t, and this eliminates a lot of sludgy questions, leaving room to be certain when it counts yet still curious about the world. These basic certainties allow me to quickly decide the right way to go, and then relax and explore the journey I’ve chosen. They help me see the chameleons of my past in a new light, and realign relationships through a healthier and more informed lens.
For me certainty isn’t the companion of rigidity. It is more the faithful tour guide that says, “What have you learned about that road already?” Or, “For heaven’s sake Sharon, how many times!?” Bumping aimlessly along the wrong road for too long, staying quiet when you should have spoken up, these kinds of mistakes help to inform your certainty as you live your life.
Ages of uncertainty, whether literal birthdays or larger difficult eras, bring about essential certainties that we can all learn from and apply to living great lives.
I should know. I’m a woman of a certain age.
Love Mum xo
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