6 (More) Ways to Know If You’re Doing Life Right

Dear Jessica Brennan,

A few months back I wrote a blog about how to know if you’re doing life right.  A lot of people liked that one, so as your mum, I thought I would think about some other things that indicate when you’re getting it right.

– If you’re doing life right you are saying please, thank you and you’re welcome.

This means you are saying it to the guy who cleans your house, the lady who lets you into traffic and the person who takes your order.  You’re saying it when you are going to get nothing in return. You’re saying it to your kids, your husband and your dad. Most of us when we were children were taught to say “Please may I”, “Thank you” and “You’re welcome”, yet it is amazing how this has become a lost art.  Abiding by these rules of etiquette and civility have nothing to do with the person who is serving you, and everything to do with who YOU are. You’re welcome.

– If you’re doing life right you realize that you never know the whole story.

When you get to work and your co-worker is grumpy, or your staff member is late. When the produce guy at the supermarket is short with you when you ask him a question about the asparagus, or maybe your doctor doesn’t seem as attentive as you would like her to be, your first response may be, “I deserve better than this!”.

Whatever.

They are probably having a bad day. Maybe your coworker is splitting with her husband or the produce guy just had a really nasty customer or the doctor just gave some bad news. Admit it, you don’t know, and you’ve had bad days too. Extend the benefit of the doubt and move on.

– If you’re doing life right you aren’t easily offended.

I am a sensitive person so I have had to learn to fall in love with people disagreeing with me. Here is what I know after writing a blog for this long. Your opinion is yours. If someone doesn’t agree, that’s ok.  Don’t get all fragile and weird, especially if you’ve put your opinion on social media, a platform that encourages interaction with others. If someone disagrees, it doesn’t mean you have to convince them to agree with you so you can feel whole. It doesn’t mean they don’t understand you.  It doesn’t mean they aren’t as smart or enlightened or good as you, or their lives are closed up or shut down as opposed to your self-proclaimed big wide open life. They just think you’re wrong.

Get over it.

You think they’re wrong.  It is how this thing works sometimes.  Don’t play the victim. Don’t blame them or tear down their life because they don’t agree with you. You won’t blow into tiny pieces if everyone doesn’t tell you that you’re right all the time. Grow up, relax and try to learn something from their point of view.

– If you’re doing life right you will let things breathe

What does that mean? That means that when you feel like you can’t handle things anymore, and it feels like the pressure is too tough or the stress is too high, that feeling is correct. Trust it. You need to step back, unplug and let go, even if it is just for a weekend.  Time is like a deep breath, and too much stress can cause you to become blind to the big picture. Remember when we went on holiday to San Antonio, Dear Jessica? My job was so stressful at that time, and one morning I was sitting on the balcony of our hotel overlooking the beautiful Riverwalk and I saw all the people walking by and I thought, “These problems that I think are so important are not universal, they are just mine. There’s a whole world of unfettered opportunities out there for me. I don’t need to worry.” Immediately I felt better because I understood the amount of space there is in the world. Space to explore and live and work, change and grow. When you can’t breathe, step back and let the infinity you live in, take a deep breath for you. You will be better off when you go back to tackle your problems.

– If you’re doing life right you know that it doesn’t owe you anything.

I have talked before about the myth that you can be whatever you want to be. I know I will get thrown out of the Yuppy Mum Club for this, but that simply is not true. Economic status, physical stature, intellectual ability and a huge number of other things can affect how your life will play out.  Good timing and hard work are your two best friends, but still, there are no guarantees. Sitting back and waiting for life to bring you a lottery win or a big break is also called hiding. You are not more deserving than all those other deserving people, but don’t get all bitter and nasty about it, because the good news is, life doesn’t owe anyone anything and yet many great lives are still lived.  Fantastic lives are often uncovered in the most quietly mediocre situations, and this is the stuff of wonderful stories. Not expecting the world to give you things, allows you the freedom to enjoy the life you make for yourself.

– If you’re doing life right you know it’s going to end.

I know, “Happy Friday!” Seriously though, as they say, no one gets out alive, so live the life you want.  Balance what you need to do, with what you want to do. Sometimes you have to look at your to-do list and just decide to forget it and go have a glass of wine with a friend, or take a bath or walk away from it all.  Sometimes you have to lean into the work and pull out all the stops. In life you will step on some hidden explosives and then at other times it will be smooth sailing. If you’re doing it right, whether it’s easy or hard, you will realize that this too shall pass.

Love, Mum x