12 Things I Know About a Change for the Better

Dear Jessica Brennan,

Lots of people like me have spent significant time trying to improve themselves, working toward that moment when they feel like they have become a permanently, whole person as though there is some deep flaw that needs to be repaired.  As a result, I am not the biggest fan of the self-help industry, because it keeps me feeling un-whole, but I am a huge fan of daily, incremental, very personal self-work, because let’s face it, we can all do a little better and it can be fulfilling to grow more confident and self-aware. A change for the better is a good thing.

Anyone can do this work to a happier place.  It costs nothing except the discipline to be awake and the willingness to try to improve.  It starts in baby steps, there are no quick-fixes, and you can’t fake your way through it, because it is yours, and you always know when you are faking. This is personal work, and it is your work to do or to ignore.

One way to start is to notice the daily things that come up that hurt you, annoy you, make you inquisitive, or delight you.  Anything that stops you, even for a moment is worth noticing and exploring. Move closer to the delights, and further away from the annoyances. This noticing and adjusting is part of the journey and doesn’t end, until well, you end.

After disregarding all the mostly redundant motivational books I’ve read, and gleaning what I could from some amazing Ted Talks, I have identified 12 things I would like to share about making changes to your life.

ONE

Mostly redundant motivational books and amazing Ted Talks can supplement change, but you must initiate it and stick with it.  You have to get to know yourself well enough to create your own map for your future. Tony Robbins can’t do your push-ups for you.

TWO

You have more power over how your life goes than you know.  You can in any moment stay or leave. Eat the chocolate or not eat it. Go on Facebook, take the bait, be kind, or do a multitude of other things.

THREE

However, you cannot completely control the events of your life. As over-said as it is, you can only control how you react to them. See item 2.

FOUR

Some people who really love you will work hard against your efforts to change. They care about you and don’t want you to be hurt. This can make the road to your next plateau, confusing.

FIVE

Sometimes the people who really love you are right, and your roaming needs to come back to them before you wander off again in a more healthy direction.  

SIX

There are no shortcuts or crystal clear paths when an inner change is happening. Pain and struggle are your closest allies.  Get to know them and respect them.

SEVEN

Usually, when things look murky it is because you are the problem and the solution.

EIGHT

You can’t google your way through the real work.

NINE

Some people who don’t love you will be jealous of your new direction, and be hurtful toward you.  This is a colossal drag but unavoidable. People get insulted by your intention to live a great life.  There are some funny folk about.

TEN

You are the mystery you need to solve.  So draw on all your experience discovering Colonel Mustard in the dining room with the candlestick.  You have an unlimited amount of ideas, potential and things to offer, so find them and bring them to a world that needs you.  Do this in your own unique way.

ELEVEN

You carry both despair and hope for any situation. You can talk yourself out of joy, or talk yourself into it. You can be lazy or motivated, interesting or mundane. What you choose determines how you feel.  The easy way isn’t always the best way, although the simple view is often correct.

TWELVE

Courage and common sense are required for anything real to happen.  From moving house to changing jobs to giving your heart, there is risk, and facing risk requires a leap, but as American naturalist, John Burroughs said, “Leap and the net will appear”.

Dear Jessica Brennan, you are the journey and the destination so invest in that and work toward the destination you aspire to, every day. Where you are in this moment, that’s who you are.  In twenty years, there you’ll be again. When you look back, there you’ve always been.

Beautifully, evolving you.

Love Mum xo

PS – A lot of people enjoyed two sister blog posts to this one: 5 Ways to Do Life Right and 6 (More) Ways to Know if You’re Doing Life Right.  If you missed them, check them out!

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