Dear Jessica Brennan,
Sometimes I get a nagging feeling in my heart. A feeling that makes me want to wander to a new land, or start a new adventure. It feels like something is wrong, but there’s nothing wrong really. Do you ever feel like that?
This isn’t conscience or guilt, but it can feel a lot that way because it is an unsettled, restless feeling that won’t leave no matter what you put on the tv, drink out of a wine glass or bury in hours of sleep. It is like sadness but difficult to pinpoint, and it just sits there in the dark, gently poking at you but when you try to find it, it hides again.
That nagging feeling is a warning, but not a siren or alarm. Things aren’t right. Things need to change, but this feeling never brings with it a list of what to do about it. It leaves you feeling slightly miserable and lost, and believe it or not, it serves a purpose.
For me, that nagging feeling comes when I’m off track and have decided to just give up on something or on myself. Let’s face it, it is easier sometimes to just say, “Forget it, I’m tired. I’m just going to coast. I’m going to hide.” Giving up is different than letting go, and the nagger comes when you’ve given up. It brings with it despair that starts like a tiny bruise on an apple, but like the apple, it doesn’t stay that way. This nagging feeling is a forewarning that depression is lurking up the road.
What should you do when that nagging feeling comes? What a great question. I mean who knows really? I don’t. It is a powerful yet subtle indicator that can snowball into a huge depression. I wish I had “The Ten Steps to Getting Rid of That Nagging Feeling”, because then I could have called this blog that, and millions of people whose attention span won’t allow them to read more than 150 words at a time would have clicked-through to get the answer.
For the rest of us though, I can only tell you what I do when that feeling comes. After the aforementioned tv, wine and sleep, I sit with it and let it have its say. I never do this first. I always try the distractions first because really, who wants to do the hard work especially when you are already feeling miserable? Not me.
In listening to the nag, often I come away with a lot more “whys” and “how am I supposed to do thats” than I had when I started, but doing something is always better than just sitting in sadness and at least if you know the questions you have, you can craft some sort of strategy to look for the answers.
Burying a nagging feeling is the wrong thing to do. That feeling is telling you there needs to be a renewal, and ignoring it is like deciding not to have a baby ten minutes after you have gone into labour. Don’t fight your rebirth or be prepared for pain.
In my experience, there are really only two ways to lose that nagging feeling. The first is to do something about it. Pay attention and follow your life to the next place you are meant to be. Get quiet and listen without distractions so that it will go, and if you are lucky it might even be replaced by excitement and anticipation.
The second way is to just ignore it. If you ignore it, eventually that nagging feeling will go somewhere else, and when it does you’re in real trouble. It might go to a place that makes you sick or really bitter, but ignoring it tells your subconscious that you don’t respect the signs that it is showing you. You are telling yourself that you would rather be part of the beige, unmotivated, boring populace. Rather than paying attention, you want to be numb.
When you send it away, it may not come back, and as it leaves, there will be pain because like it or not, you’re already in labour.
Why does that hurt so much?
‘Cause baby, something beautiful’s dyin’.
Love Mum xo
