Dear Jessica Brennan,
Recently, Dad called FedEx, and here’s what happened.
Fedex Bot: Welcome to Fedex. Please choose one of the following 75 options
Dad: grumble. Chooses option.
Fedex Bot: Hell-o! I’m Freddy, your personal assistant. Please tell me in a few words what you are looking for today. You can say things like “find my package” or “ship a package.”
Dad: I am not prepared to speak to you.
Fedex Bot: I’m sorry, I didn’t quite get that. Please try your request again.
Dad: I’m not talking to you.
Fedex Bot: I’m sorry, I didn’t quite get that. Please try your request again.
Dad: Listen! I’m not talking to you.
Fedex Bot: I’m sorry you’re having difficulty. Try saying something like, “find my package,” or “ship a package.”
Dad: I’ve had enough of this. I’m not having difficulty, you half-wit! Let me talk to a customer service agent.
Bot: We seem to be having difficulty. Try using one or two words to describe what I can help you with.
Dad: I’ve had enough of you! I’m not talking to you. Put me through to a customer service agent right now!
Fedex Bot: I’m sorry, I didn’t quite get that. Try saying something like, “find my package,” or “ship a package.”
Dad: PUT ME THROUGH TO A CUSTOMER SERVICE AGENT RIGHT NOW!
Bot: Okay. I heard. Put me through to a customer service agent. Is this correct?
Dad: YES
Bot: Before I put you through to a customer service agent, maybe I can help you. Try saying a few words to describe what you need help with today.
Dad (shouting): PUT ME THROUGH TO A CUSTOMER SERVICE AGENT! PUT ME THROUGH TO A CUSTOMER SERVICE AGENT! PUT ME THROUGH TO A CUSTOMER SERVICE AGENT!
Bot: Okay. I heard. Put me through to a customer service agent. Is this correct?
DAD (shouting): YES!!
Bot: Okay. Transferring you to a customer service agent.
I will spare you the story of what transpired from there. Use your imagination.
Love,
Mum xo