Dear Jessica Brennan,
How many times do you, amid all evidence to the contrary, hear that annoying voice in your head saying, “You can’t do that”. Maybe I should ask, how many times a day?
We are brutal to ourselves. We take a dress off the rack and that voice says, “Seriously?” We look at our weight, our salary, our (fill in the blank) and all the while we hear why it is never, ever going to improve.
Lack of money provides the easiest proof this voice needs to win. You can’t afford to, buy that, go there, start that. End of story. Don’t even try.
So how come some people who have less than we do, still buy that, go there and start that? Why can some people find a way to do things that others can’t.
Well for those of you who like lists, here are a few reason why I think some people do things we tell ourselves we can’t do. There are likely more reasons, but you know, I can’t be that smart…here goes:
They look at the way things really are
There is no real success for delusional people. You can tell yourself all day long that other people are just lucky and you are unlucky, but as we’ve talked about before:
- You bought it
- You spent it
- You ate it
- You ignored it
So until you see that you’re the major obstacle, nothing happens. Here’s a newsflash for you. No one has had an easy life. No one gets everything they want. Some people just do “hard stuff” better than others and they stop making excuses and telling themselves what they want to hear, and look at the truth so they can improve on their scenario, usually in baby steps over time.
They focus on what they want
So much has been written on the Law of Attraction, but apart from all of that, here’s what I know. If for 5 hours nonstop, you think about that great barbecued chicken they make at Imperio’s, you’re stopping to get some for dinner. You’re doing that. The chicken won’t walk over to you and be on your plate when you get home, which illustrates my biggest problem with books like The Secret. Attraction requires action. But if you focus on Imperio’s chicken, you will go after it and you will have it. In fact by 4:30pm you won’t be able to think about anything else.
So, if you think about how nothing is ever going to work out for you, and tell yourself that the good life is for other people, nonstop day in and day out, well, you’re right. You will go after the same life you have now, or worse, and you won’t have any chicken.
They are flexible
I have talked to people over the years who have dreams that must turn out precisely the way they want them to be, or they aren’t interested in discussing them. I have been that person too, and truthfully I can still be that way at times. No compromise, no wiggle room. Here’s the truth, life is like water. It flows, it changes direction and at times it has to cut through rock over a very long period of time just to get a tiny trickle to go where it wants to go. That’s just the way it is. Live with it. Love it.
They see the other side of the coin
Things could be so much worse. We are spoiled above and beyond almost all other people in the world. We live in Canada. This means we enjoy the second highest standard of living on planet earth. Sorry, but stop whining and get a grip.
Depending on the volume of the voice in your head, you can respond appropriately. If it is just subtle and comes up occasionally, you can use the “not useful” or “not true” replies to remind yourself to pay no attention to it. This is a good habit to get into in order to calm it down. You can reason with it and show yourself why it is wrong. Be gentle.
But if it is loud and annoying and hateful and constant, tell it to shut up – reply in kind. Treat it like the enemy it is, and get rid of it.
You can do that,
Love Mum xo
