Dear Jessica Brennan,
I know the saying goes, “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me”, but I disagree. I would take sticks thrown at me any day, or stones, or maybe even in some cases, broken bones.
Recently I heard someone tear apart something I had created. They didn’t know it was my creation, so it was an un-tempered critique and while I was listening I not only felt that crushing feeling inside (cheeks reddening and shame growing), but as I stood there I also started to see my creation as ugly. Of course he’s right. Why did I think it was ever good?
This piece that I had created and was proud of a few moments earlier now made me feel like it was not worth doing and not worth trying again. In fact it was now suddenly something that I couldn’t do. I would have taken a broken bone over that because now the creation is the embodiment of a “words will never hurt me” moment. I probably need to delete it.
Get a thicker skin? Oh, believe me I know. I have heard that my whole life. Unfortunately, I don’t have that kind of skin. Everything means too much to me, is too close to me, is too important to me, is too something, or so I’ve heard. That’s part of what makes me so weird. Yes, I’ve heard that too. Thank you.
I am highly sensitive and I do take things personally which can be a lonely place, but with high sensitivity and bizarre weirdness comes some gifts of intuition and creativity that I would never trade to be what some other than me might call normal. And here is the thing about when people say it’s not personal. It usually is, or they wouldn’t need the disclaimer. It is a bit like, “don’t take this the wrong way”, or “I don’t mean to be rude, but…”
In the case noted above, the person didn’t know I was the creator, which made it even worse. They truly didn’t like it. I never stepped back and thought that he might be wrong, or the topic was subjective, or that maybe he was even jealous because he couldn’t do it. This is the advice I would give to others. There are a hundred reasons why someone would trash your work. All I heard though was the harsh criticism.
So what? So one person didn’t like it? Who cares? I hear ya. I get it, but I think if it’s all the same with you, I will still take the sticks and stones. Words will definitely hurt me (and others too).
Love Mum
xo
