Dear Jessica Brennan,
Have you ever noticed that when you want something, or are anticipating something, it is all you see or hear? I used to experience this all the time when I managed Alan Frew of Glass Tiger. People would be excited that Alan was coming to their hometown and they would be anticipating hearing him sing or speak. We would be on the road – it didn’t matter where – and people would come up to us and say,
“You won’t believe this, but I heard Don’t Forget Me (When I’m Gone) on the radio today”.
We laughed privately because we did believe it. We heard exactly the same story everywhere we went.
This is a phenomenon that most of us have noticed but we don’t use to our advantage. Here is what I mean.
If you think that you will never be an entrepreneur, or happily married, or a good mother or a million other things, you are going to see all the reasons why that is the truth. You will see people who have failed businesses, abusive marriages, and kids that have gone off the rails.
You will not see the successful companies, happy marriages and great kids, or if you do, you will play the “Ya but what if..” game, and life will show you lots more things to make your “What ifs” a reality.
Living in what you can’t do, is so much easier than living in what you might be able to do. It seems safe there and you can be lazy and lethargic until it is too late, at which point you can use all the excuses you’ve made up while you’ve been lying around eating chips.
But what if you decided to do the brave thing? What if you chose to see all that substantiates your ability to accomplish what you want to achieve, and attract all that you want to have? If you were not too afraid to succeed, would you start to see these things and evidence of the potential to have these things, all around you? I say yes.
This is not a magic wand I’m talking about. Life has lots of curve balls and requires a goodly amount of time, tenacity and elbow grease. But your chances of living a full life increase exponentially if you open your eyes and notice the opportunities floating by right in front of you.
Good Lord though, this is the hardest work.
I can tell you firsthand. In my head when I start noticing the things that could take me to the next point in my life financially, in my relationships, in my career, or just as a human being, I start to hear the voice – you know the voice – we all know it well.
“Who do you think you are?”
“People will say you’re crazy.”
“I’ll tell you what you’re going to accomplish! You’re going to accomplish being a laughing stock!”
“They might not say it publicly but you know behind your back they will say you’re conceited, loopy, strange.”
“When you lose it all, what then?”
As much as we all believe that what other people think shouldn’t matter, these thoughts still grab us, level us, and make us think twice about dreaming too big.
So what shall we do about this? Hide under the radar? Don’t make a fuss? Stay afraid of our own greatness? Of course not.
I think three things are essential in order to get to the next stage.
The first is definitely courage. I’m not even talking about great big, life altering explosive courage. I just mean a slow burn on the inside that says, “I am going to do this thing, and I am going to do it well, and no one is going to stop me.” This resolve and intention is what moves mountains.
The second thing is support from your nearest and dearest. Your partner doesn’t have to do the great things you want to do. I mean look what happened when I tried to help dad pull music for orchestra shows. Disaster. Remember when you tried to help him? Good Lord! Dad’s great things are not mine, so you don’t need that kind of all encompassing involvement. But if you want to do something courageous, something big (for you) then your partner has to be onside. Your friends must be onside.
When you are doing something that shakes the very core of you, the easiest thing to do is abandon it because it is scary and transformational, so you cannot have detractors in your inner circle. This tremor, quaking in your soul is the very evidence of why you are here on this planet at all, and it shows you what you need to do in your life. Silencing it or giving up on it because someone else thinks it isn’t going to serve you (or more likely, doesn’t serve them) just makes it so much more difficult to accomplish anything.
If you have someone in your life who when you start talking about your dreams – even if they are your wildest, craziest dreams – immediately tells you that now isn’t the time, or it costs too much, or it isn’t something you should do, you need to look hard at how much time you spend with them. It is difficult enough to follow your dreams without someone constantly circling you like a hyena and telling you all the reasons you should be afraid to pursue them.
The third thing is the most exciting – imagination. Don’t be afraid to imagine the things you want, and always imagine them with the best possible outcome. Your relationships, your health, your job, hobbies and future. Why not? It is fun, and you will be more likely to notice the opportunities if you stay positive about what you are working toward.
Think of one thing you really want to do. It can be small, in fact make it small. Your own equivalent of something like, “I want to see the movie The Lion King”, or “I want to learn how to bake bread”. Then look for the signs – those lions and loaves of bread will be everywhere.
Look for evidence that you can do what you want to do, instead of reasons why you can’t. You will be amazed at what shows up.
Love,
Mum xo
