Dear Jessica Brennan,
There is nothing good or bad in your life that you don’t carry in your body, and by that, I don’t mean in your brain, although your brain is in your body, of course. Many emotions you notice in your body occur in your torso – your heart, solar plexus or stomach. How many times do you say, “I feel…” or ”it broke my heart,” or “I have a gut feeling,” or “it knocked the wind out of me.” Everything, good or bad, is there at a cellular level, and if you don’t feel that, you are ridiculously shut down, so run and get help quickly.
Over time I have developed a personal practice of releasing emotion from my body. This has been made necessary by an issue I have with anxiety and one I had with chronic pain, so I must perfect this ritual to continue to function without excessive medication. This single act has not only morphed into other healthy choices (like a writing ritual that helps me release toxic people and heal) but has also, along with being therapeutic, been really interesting.
I have been able to get to a point where I can isolate the feelings in my body from the thoughts in my head. This sounds easy, but try it the next time you are very upset about something. It really isn’t. For example, I can now distinguish between an anxious reaction to something I ate (MSG is a nasty combo with anxiety) and anxiety brought on by worry. I often say, “Well, hi sadness/anger/disappointment, I guess it’s just you and me again.” When I do this, I can feel in my body what part of me carries the feeling. Sometimes it isn’t where I think it will be at all, but until I isolate it, I can’t release it, and while I’m no doctor, I do know that holding anger, stress and sadness leads to an increase in cortisol and once that’s part of your day to day, you’re at all kinds of risk.
If my brain is causing the problem, I can flush out the thought with a little effort, as my brain knows all too well that I don’t take it very seriously when it generates useless babble. Likewise, if a chemical reaction is the problem to something I inadvertently ate, I can wait, knowing that this too shall pass, but if it’s in my gut or heart, it might take a bit more time.
I’m grateful for the years I had chronic pain, and the time I have struggled with anxiety because it has given me a lot of insight into what’s really going on. So often, we quickly name what is bothering us with a title that sounds like something we want it to be when that’s not it at all. Let me give you an example.
Let’s say that someone you trusted let you down. “I’m so angry,” you tell everyone who will listen. You can’t believe someone would trick you into thinking they were your friend when they were something else all along. You’re mad at them, but where are you feeling it? In your heart? Yes, that could be anger, but it also might be fear. In your solar plexus? Yes, that could be anger too, or shame. In your gut? That’s likely anxiety or disgust. It doesn’t sound very sexy, though, instead of saying, “I’m so angry,” to say, “I’m feeling like I’m not good enough.”
Ew. Nobody wants to say that.
What if what you’re really feeling is fear? You’re afraid to lose the friendship because of what it means about you. You’re feeling ashamed that you aren’t enough. You’re not enough of a priority to this friend for them to care if they let you down. You’re calling it anger, but really it’s shame.
Sitting with what you’re feeling, getting to the source and letting all that emotion have its say is the only way to release it from your mind and, more importantly, your body. This is a discipline few can teach you, but one you can teach yourself with time and patience.
Stay well.
Love Mum xo
