Stop Bawling, Janice

Dear Jessica Brennan,

Pet Peeve alert.

Have you ever noticed how some people respond when they are confronted on their bad behaviour?  Suddenly they turn into a tween from some backwater void. Usually they belong in the group who can dish it out but can’t take it.  I’m not a psychologist but I wonder if being a spoiled child has something to do with it.

Here is an example of the sort of conversation I am talking about where a normally articulate conveyor of the English language will become mushy and cutesy when asked to explain their behaviour.  

Blech. Like this:

Bob: Hey George can we talk about the fact that you insulted me publicly in our meeting this morning?  It seems like maybe there are some issues we need to get out in the open.

George: Sorry Bob, my bad.

Your what now George?  See how that kind of language immediately trivializes the conversation? Bob tried to have an upfront, adult conversation but George, who doesn’t appear to have it in him to discuss what he did, replies like a flippant teenager.  There’s a big difference between diffusing and trivializing. This kind of immaturity does the latter.

Diffusing is always a good idea, and the best way to do that is to take responsibility for what you own in the situation.  For ex. if George had said, “Bob, I apologize, I’ve been feeling pretty insecure about my sales numbers,” he would look like a grown-up human being. Bob might even admit that he’s been gloating about his own beaming sales numbers and an apology might be forthcoming from both sides.

Here’s another example.

Sally: Leslie, why did you lie to our friend Rachel about me?  I saw that you did, she showed me the text on her phone.

Leslie: Oh that was just a mistake ‘cuz I was tired and crabby. ‘Nuf said.

You’re 40 Leslie, at least have the decency to use the Queen’s English to reply even if you aren’t going to take responsibility for your actions.  As the perpetrator you don’t get to decide when ‘nuf has been said. ‘Nuf gets decided when the other party agrees the assault has been reconciled.

I am not talking about text-speak – as completely gross as it is – (C U @ 4 4 T), I am talking about those who intentionally dumb-down their response in order to make a negative situation they’ve created, seem unimportant.  This is a strategy of a toxic person. It’s also obvious and really annoying.

Diminishing a real incident with this kind of language does not dilute the intensity of the issue (for me anyway), it actually incites anger, and I detest anger. It makes me so sleepy.

Okay one more example I’ve seen recently.  Again, this is from someone who has a solid grasp of the English language when she wants to.  This is the pouty reply of a perennial brat.

Lance: Janice, your note to me was very harsh.  While we don’t see eye to eye on the issues, I don’t disagree with you any more than you disagree with me, so can’t we just respect each other’s opinions?

Janice: Well Lance, I felt real unhappy ‘bout you not agreeing with me.

Oh grow up Janice! Talk like an adult. The whole world isn’t going to fall apart if everyone doesn’t agree with you. Stop bawling.

‘Nuf said,

Love,

Mum xo

PS – more pet peeves can be found here: Packaging and here The Genius of Ripped Jeans

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