Dear Jessica Brennan,
Listen carefully. Never, ever do your own commercials. You don’t know how. Don’t even consider it, or you will end up like those guys on the TV and radio who just sound lame.
There are three kinds of self-read commercials for the amateur producer. None of them are acceptable.
First, there is the robot commercial. It sounds like this:
Hi. I’m. Reg. From. Reg’s. Furniture. Integrity. And. Honesty. Is. Our. Business. Stop. By. Soon. For. Great. Deals. Reg’s. Furniture. The. Only. Store. You. Need.
So sad.
Then there is the screamer:
WE’VE GONE CRAZY AT REG’S FURNITURE!! ALL OUR SECTIONALS ARE MARKED DOWN TO ALMOST NOTHING! ACT TODAY! on approved credit.
So annoying. Calm it down, Reg.
Finally, there is the alliteration ad, also read in robot-voice usually:
Come to Reg’s Furniture. Reg means reasonable prices. Reg means reliable staff. Reg means rent-to-own options.
Seriously? Reg means ridiculous.
Also, just because you happen to have one of about ten million dogs, children or wives in the country doesn’t mean they need to be in your ad, wearing your T-shirt, looking awkwardly at a camera and shouting or barking halfheartedly with thumbs up, “Go Team Reg!” at the end of your 30 seconds of shame. You carry that weight alone, Reg. You are the only one who thinks this home video is cute.
We, the consumers, don’t like it, and we don’t like Reg after having to endure his commercials. Blind confidence isn’t always a good thing. Save your integrity. Pay someone who knows what they’re doing.
Love,
Mum xo
PS – and don’t even get me started on karaoke!
