Dear Jessica Brennan,
The new year brings with it much reflection for some of us. We take a look at what happened in the twelve months that have passed and we plan for the next year. A lot of us don’t make resolutions as such, but rather assess where we are against where we were, and where we want to be.
We like to feel better about life year-over-year, but that won’t always be the case. Some years you might feel considerably worse, and that will motivate you to make radical changes. Some years you feel like nothing has changed at all and you might then feel restless and insist upon progress in the months to come, and some years you will feel like you have leapt ahead an entire decade in one year.
The truth is that the span of time between Dec 31 and Jan 1 is just one day, but it does provide the opportunity to be honest and real, and stop for a moment to see what is actually going on.
One thing I have noticed this year, is how much more optimistic I am about things than I was last December, and the December before that. This hasn’t come from having a particularly bright year. In many ways, it has been quite the opposite really, but I still feel a true optimism about the future. I attribute this to not assessing a good year versus a bad year based on things I cannot control, but rather on how I reacted to the hand that was dealt me. What did I create out of the pain? What did I give back in joy?
I also am finally learning some things, like, while I can’t control what others think, I can control what I think. The mind is not controlling me, I am controlling it. But wait, who is this “me and I” doing the controlling, if it isn’t my mind?
It is the inner voice that guides us should we choose to listen carefully. It is the opposite of our noisy ego that we listen to non-stop, and if we are quiet enough to hear it, it will show us where the joy is.
This new perspective does periodically pave a pretty painful path to peace, and that path is littered with people who don’t like those who are pleasant and positive. (13 “p”s volunteered for that last sentence). Sadly, the light-haters are not all strangers to us either.
You soon find out that there are those poor souls among us that think that if someone is enjoying life, in good and bad times, they must be a bit thick. I mean if we thick-heads only knew how awful everything was, we would be depressed, bitter and sad all the time like them, and we could easily see why we could justify harshly accusing the whole wide world of being responsible for keeping us that way.
Some people want to maintain a feeling of being dark and downtrodden and pessimistic at all cost, in the name of everything from victim-speak to blame and complaining, all the way to claiming that this omnipresent darkness is the will of an almighty being.
So as I assess my life, I am looking closely at the people I feel joyful and light and true with, and also at the people who try to drag me into a grim, black hole, and make me feel heavy and dark and closed-down. I make a list, and as I observe all this, I also consider the possibility that I am part of the problem that feeds the dark souls, rather than simply taking credit for being part of the momentum that generates positive vibes. There are some people I am not good for, as well as those who are not good for me. I’m okay with that, because there are others who I am rocking it rapturously with.
Taking all of this into account, I notice that the open and light people are not without depth or difficulties, they just approach their problems differently. They see the good in others, and are happy to hear other people’s perspectives, and willing to change their minds if necessary without feeling like that is a massive failure. They see information and thoughtful consideration as a win. They are kind and grateful human beings who accept others. I want to be more like them.
The dark ones with the very heavy energy, have no more problems than the sunny people, and in fact at times have many less, but every situation they find themselves in is shrouded with blame and lack of perspective. They are never responsible, and everyone who doesn’t agree with them is out to get them, and no one ever seems to understand fully how oppressed they are, regardless of their endless and dramatic recounting of how low they feel, likely from concentrating on their problems 24 hours a day. I want to be less like them.
I guess in the end, the people who fill us up are givers, with egos in check and self confidence that resonates as love for others. Those who are dark souls see life as being all about them and their view, and really what they want most as they stare at their navels, is for everyone to tell them they are right. Right that the world is conspiring against them; right that life is bad and getting worse, but mostly right that they are superior and well, again, right. Their true self-love is nonexistent yet their egos bark like mad dogs.
This coming year, I will actively work to spend as much time as possible with the open and loving people, and as little time as possible with the critical complainers, and with those I am not good for.
I would rather float than drag.
Robbie Burns wrote the poem, Auld Lang Syne, (now a song), and it is all about relationships. Given what I’ve written above, I would like to borrow some words from him (as many will on New Year’s Eve) and rearrange them a little as we welcome 2019. So, regarding this topic of spending your time with people who make you feel joyful, versus spending your time with people who make you feel poisoned, here we go Dear Jessica. Here’s my advice to you for 2019 based on what I’ve fully begun to understand in 2018.
If there are those in your life who you can no longer take a cup of kindness with, then truly, old acquaintance should be forgot.
Happiest of New Years and many effervescent giggles for 2019,
Love,
Mum xo
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