Dear Jessica Brennan,
Last November, as the pressures of the holidays mounted, I considered ending this blog as of December 31. I told myself that there were a couple of sensible reasons why.
ONE
I have two almost finished full length books that I am having trouble completing.
TWO
I need to complete the first draft of my one woman play that is about 60% done.
These were my excuses, which ended up being that one worn out, overused, tried and true, good old standby reason, “I don’t have time.”
As I talked to a few regular readers of this blog and submitted my excuse of “not enough time”, they were sympathetic.
“I understand that it takes a lot of time to write a weekly blog, but I will miss it on Friday mornings”, was the standard answer.
All the time I was saying the “don’t have time” tale though, I had an icky feeling in the pit of my stomach, because I knew it was a lie.
To be perfectly transparent, I work full time. I write a weekly blog. I work with speakers and artists on my weekends, and I have a very busy family business. I am writing two books and a play, and I have great friends and family. My time is full, however, that is not why I was going to end this blog.
I started thinking about the bile rising in my belly and why I was really considering shutting down this weekly exploration of advice to you Dear Jess, and eventually I got to the bottom of it.
Spoiler alert: it had nothing to do with time.
Here is the truth:
ONE
The internet has become a platform filled with outspoken, toxic and caustic cowards who tear apart any good thing they can find. I don’t mean the people who want to have an open discussion about a difference of opinion. I mean the general lack of civility that has become commonplace. It takes a lot of energy to weed out the trolls and block them, even though all bloggers that are read on multiple sites, must watch this activity closely. This can be exhausting for all of us, and frankly makes me at times, just want to flee to a tree house in the middle of Algonquin Park and take my chances with the bears.
TWO
But here is the real reason. There are so many know-it-alls out there. People who want to make money from telling you how to live your life. People who want to be absolutely right, and superior and feel that they are the ones who can advise you with certainty on what you should be doing, and how you should be doing it.
My main fear, and the real reason that I considered ending these open letters, was the thought that I might be lumped into the know-it-all category of bloggers. When that tidbit was introduced into my brain, it was like poison to me.
So I want to be clear with you Jess, and with the readers of this blog.
The older I get, the less I know. I think this is so healthy and it provides endless opportunities to learn. If we get more rigid with age, then we stop growing. I have no illusions that I am anyone’s guru. If I am yours, find a new one. Hint: It should be yourself.
I am a mum who likes to share what I am learning about life in the form of a blog, with my daughter and anyone else who cares to read it. At times, I hope it makes you all think, or chuckle, or feel better about the world. Even if it just makes you feel better knowing that there is one more regular mum and daughter out there that really love each other. One more family with great friends on the planet, that share a laugh at the pub on a Friday night and support each other in the rough times.
In the end, I hope this blog allows you to consider what’s best for your life. I hope the sometimes tiny observations brighten your day, or make you scratch your head.
Your life is yours though, and even as your mum Dear Jess, you have to decide how it all goes. I have to decide how mine goes, and the other readers have to decide too, and that’s not just here in Dear Jessica Brennan world, that’s everywhere on and off the internet.
I have a very simple view of most things, and that has served me well, but it doesn’t make it right for everyone. A good blog, or self improvement book, or well told story should make you think, but don’t give away your power to it. Your life is yours to decorate with whatever colours, flavours and textures, YOU love. This is how you bring that gorgeous you to all of us. This blog is one way I can bring me to you.
Again, I am no one’s guru. I am not someone who knows what others should do with their lives. All I know with certainty about life, is that it should be lived.
Love,
Mum xo
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