Dear Jessica Brennan,
I’m already tired of using email so I hope someone is figuring out what’s next. I don’t mind texts but email is so boring.
Spam is awful. Truly. I hate it and I really hate it when it’s cold.
Spam email is bad too. The ones that come and say, “unsubscribe here” but when you actually click to get rid of these pests, you go on some strange journey to a place that actually doesn’t allow you to unsubscribe at all, or says, “under construction”. If you do get to the unsubscribe page they ask you if you’re sure you want this? “You’re about to unsubscribe. Are you sure?” Hmm let me think.
Don’t even get me started on reply-all emails and the endless back and forth that they create. You know who you are!
The worst email, apart from spam is the pointless-response emails. You know these ones.
Them: “Hi Sharon, did you get that blog finished for Friday?”
Me: “Yes, sending it now.”
Them: “Are you sending it as a pdf or as a word doc?”
Me: (In my head: why don’t you wait and find out, I just said I’m sending it now).
What I actually say: “As a pdf”.
Them: “Can you send it as a word document so we can edit?”
Me: (In my head: No, because you aren’t editing my work you half-wit. That’s why God created pdfs.)
What I actually say: “Let me know if you see any changes that need to be made and I will make them”.
Them: “OK, I just didn’t want to waste your time”
Me: (In my head: That’s choice. Then stop sending me hundreds of emails). What I actually say: ”No worries”.
Them: “Because I know you’re busy”.
Me: ——-
Them: “Are you still there?”
Me: (In my head: Nope – I thought you just said you know I’m busy.)
Them: “Just got your blog, will read it now”
Me: (In my head: Wow, so relieved.)
Them: “I don’t see any changes.”
Me (In my head: Told ya.)
Them: “Thanks for sending it”
Me: “You’re welcome” (In my head: Leave me alone)
Them: “Ok see ya”
Me: (In my head: I hope not – go away !!)
Them: “Always a pleasure”
Me: (In my head: Debatable)
My suggestion to improve this same interaction would have been as follows:
“Swoosh” – sound of email going, followed by that beautiful, glorious sound of silence that doesn’t fill up my email trash.
Email now feels as tedious as a typewriter. Get us something better you tech geniuses!
Text me,
Love Mum xo
PS – Don’t eat spam, it will kill you. Maybe not right away, but eventually.
