Dear Jessica Brennan,
There’s a lot written about women, and rightly so. We read stories about equality and choice, and these are important issues that must be addressed and kept front and centre in our lives.
Today though, I want to talk about men.
Quite often when we write for women, we are also writing against men, but I don’t think that should be the case. We should write against discrimination not gender. Lots of men strongly support women’s rights openly. Your dad for one, who thinks that women should run the world and tells everyone who will listen. But even now you see, as I write, I’m judging what makes a good man by how he treats women and that’s not right. What makes a good human being is how they treat other human beings, full stop.
Using a big sweeping generalization, I’ve always liked men. My friends who are men are funny, smart and direct. I like to listen to them, and they like me because they like to be listened to. My male friends are different to my girlfriends, who I love so much. My male friends are often gruff and confident. They are always sure, even when they are wrong, and they love to debate, even when they are wrong. My girlfriends are more likely to look at things from different perspectives and be open to other points of view. My male friends like to pick a position and fight for it and that’s entertaining, if nothing else.
I know all men are not like this and all women are not as I describe, I’m just talking about the ones I am close to.
Many a night we have sat around a dining room table with at least two and as many as eight men, prepared to fight to the death for their side of an issue. Sometimes five sides of an issue. It can be like watching all thirteen chapters of The Art of War unfolding before your eyes. Espionage, exploiting weaknesses, cozying up to the enemy, chest beating and trying to build an army (or win a small contingent of those who will agree with you) all play into the strategy. When this group gets together, which is often, we don’t need board games.
I love these nights of fiery debate, something I personally do not excel at. My brain works in a totally different way which makes me an excellent strategist but poor on the battlefield. I need to sleep on things, but then I rise from slumber with intense clarity. This doesn’t always work at a dinner party and gets you beheaded in battle.
The scenario I just described might sound horrible to some people. I’m sure it does in fact, but I like it. When you hear five people debate an issue, it forces you to discover new perspectives. When it gets heated and everyone is talking, and no one is listening to anyone else, I like to quietly listen. I’ve studied The Art of War too.
Listening gives my introversion an advantage. It lets me invisibly plan a powerful response should I be put on the spot. A zinger that can still the unruly crowd. For as it says in section 19 of chapter 7 in The Art of War, “Let your plans be dark and impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt.”
Look out boys.
Love,
Mum
xo