Dear Jessica Brennan,
For awhile about a year ago I was writing a lot I think, about what I like to call, users, losers and abusers. Then I stopped that and I wrote a lot about love – cue the fairy dust. This change wasn’t strategic I can assure you, it was just me writing through ideas that were clogging up my brain at the time. But now, I want to write again about a technique I have noticed that the users, losers and abusers among us sometimes use. I’ve been keeping a close eye out for behaviour patterns, so I can share this particular little observation with you today.
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Here’s an example of how it goes:
Loser: You are a great graphic designer, how do you do that so well?? Why don’t you design a logo for my scuba business and when I get up and running I will give you twice your normal fee?
Nice person: Okay, well, it doesn’t take me that long to make a logo. I guess I could do that.
Loser: You’re the best. Thank you, I need it by Friday.
Nice Person: Friday? Oh okay, it’s already Wednesday but I guess I could start tonight.
Loser: Oh, don’t worry. If you can’t get it done this week, I can wait. I really appreciate you doing this. I’m going to tell everyone how great you are.
Friday – Nice person: I’m done the logo.
Loser: Thank you! I love that. Wow you really are good. You’re the best. I’m going to use this logo everywhere! You should do other design work for the business and I will give you a cut when things are really rolling along. Can you make a brochure for me? I will pay you way more than you normally charge if you do this for me now.
Nice Person: I guess I could.
Loser to group of friends: Nice Person, come here! You should use Nice Person, she’s great. Her work is awesome and she works quickly.
6 months later – Nice Person to Loser: Wow your store is packed and I see you are booked solid for months, that’s great! I’m really happy for you.
Loser: I know! I’ve been doing great! People really like me and so they come to train just with me. They buy my logoed merchandise like crazy too!
Nice Person: Oh good. When can I get paid?
Loser: What do you mean?
Nice Person: I mean, you said you would pay me twice my price for the logo and more than I would ever make for the brochure. You said you were going to give me a cut, and that when the ship came in, it would come in for both of us.
Loser: How dare you ask me to pay you for that. After all the exposure I’ve given you? That was the ship coming in for you! You’re not really that good and you are just lucky to get to work with me. I’m a very important person! That alone should be payment enough.
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Do you see how the manipulation happened there? I used money as the example because it is something we can all relate to, but it works with other scenarios too.
The tactic seems to be this:
- Decide what you want but don’t want to pay for in money, emotional investment or time, and cannot or are unwilling to do for yourself.
- Find a person who can do it, who is trusting enough plus – good-looking enough, popular enough, rich enough, talented enough (you can insert more) and can be bedazzled by your flattery and promises.
- Blow sunshine at them and everyone around them to convince them you can be trusted. Use words like “partner” and “associate”. Promise them something great that also involves staying involved in the project that attracted them into your world in the first place. If they love the project more than you do, it is a real bonus.
- When their work pays off for you, play dumb. Be shocked that they want what you promised. Be insulting. Shouting is good. Deny, deny, deny. Remind them how much better you are than them. Make them feel as bad as you can.
- When you’ve made your best attempt to completely break them on every level, walk away with what isn’t yours.
My Dear Jessica, the users, losers and abusers walk among us and they don’t look any different to us, in fact, sometimes they look really trustworthy.
Beware and be aware.
Love,
Mum xo
