Dear Jessica Brennan,
I’m not sure I believe in isolated incidents. What would be a good example of one? I suppose if a truck fell on your head, that would be an isolated incident, in that it is unlikely to be repeated, however, the incident wouldn’t actually be isolated would it, because the truck came from somewhere; some other incident.
With people, I have a hard time trusting the isolated incident claim.
“I lied to you, but it was an isolated incident.” hmmm
What made him tell the lie? What was the fallout from that lie? I guess it wasn’t actually all that isolated.
When I think of being isolated, I think of something completely on its own, a lone something that doesn’t touch anything or anyone else. Incidents are rarely like this.
He lied to you, because he didn’t want to get caught having done some other incident. Your pain from the lie is also an incident, not isolated at all from the lie itself in any way.
So, no, I generally don’t believe in incidents operating in isolation.
Maya Angelou said: When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
In other words, don’t fall for the old isolated incident defence. It is too close to the “it won’t happen again” claim.
Call me jaded, or even cynical, but in my experience, the it in question (that won’t happen again), often does happen again, so while I do believe in second chances, I think it us up to the person who is making the claim (that this isolated incident won’t happen again), to earn that second chance by making certain that it never, ever does. Otherwise don’t say it.
Just say: I like to do things and lie about them and then dismiss them with shallow words that I don’t mean.
I’m pretty sure I don’t believe in third chances. Too many times I’ve extended them, and fourth and fifth and guess what? I should have believed what the person was showing me, not what they were telling me. Deeds not words, you know?
Next time you hear someone talk about an isolated incident, see how many other incidents you can connect it to. I’m starting to think it is just something to say.
Love,
Mum xo
