Dear Jessica Brennan,

What is the fascination with being lost? One of the readers of Dear Jessica Brennan commented a few weeks back (thanks David) that there is too much messaging coming at us all the time about being lost, and he makes such a good point.

If the world keeps us lost, they can continue to sell us things to help us find our way back. But, back to where?

This “lost” story has been pitched to us all, slowly and insidiously since birth, and it supports a huge industry (or many industries) that benefit from us all feeling like we are stumbling around in the dark, sad and alone and needing to find our way back to an undisclosed location.

If everything we do starts with the understanding that we are empty, lost, unfulfillable and unfillable, we are sitting ducks for the marketers, power mongers and users, because our core belief is that we are not enough.

In addition to finding ways to be thinner, or rounder, richer, or vegan or extroverted, we also need to find our true selves. (Wherever did I leave that?)

If we have struggles, or if we eat ice cream on the couch or don’t have perfect homes, perfect teeth, perfect skin, perfect hair, that’s all earth shattering, but worse still, apparently we are all lacking and needy.  In the dark and depressed. How convenient for a society that wants to control us and mostly, sell to us the fountain of youth and the meaning of life.

I will tell you the meaning of life for free.  Give more than you take. Create love wherever you go. Repeat.

Leonard Cohen once said of his song “Hallelujah” that the message is this. No one will ever fully know what their life means – Hallelujah. You can love life fully without knowing everything.  Falling in love with the not knowing is joyful.

What if we were to turn the message around and realize that we aren’t lost? As it turns out, it is actually easier to be strong than to seek out more ways to be helpless.

What if we told people:

I wish you well but I’m not lost.

I don’t need your creams or your treatment.

I’m not buying what you’re selling.

I don’t have time for your 8 steps, your DVD collection or your vision board.

My vision board is my life.  The one you’re interrupting right now.

I’m not lost.

My life does not follow the foregone conclusion of directionless roaming.

So don’t start there when you talk to me, because I’m not lost.

I don’t need a life coach. I have an internal compass.

Don’t peddle your fear-based solutions, because I don’t have a problem.

I’m not afraid.

I have lifted the illusion.

I won’t dishonour life with this bleak outlook

Not when I’ve been born in the most prosperous and safe time in history.

Read the statistics. I’m not lost.

Not when I’ve been born in the best country in the world.

Pass the maple syrup, because I’m not lost.

I am optimistic.

I search because I’m happily curious, not because I’m desperate.

I’m kind because I love, not because I’m afraid I will burn if I am unkind.

I give because it feels good, not because someone told me I should.

I’m not lost.

I’m not broken and I don’t need to be fixed.

Even when life throws me a grenade, I might be knocked off balance, but I’m not lost.

Sometimes I might lose, but I’m not lost.

Often I might fail, but I’m not lost.

Even when the users come calling, and the disbelief floods over me, I am not lost.

Not having all the answers to everything is not being lost.

Don’t sell me a pill, or post a quote on my social media to help me find my way, because I’m not lost.

Don’t try to sell me a six-week plan to discover my passion or my purpose.

All I need to do is walk out into the fresh air for that. Look at the sky, laugh with a friend or hug my favourite daughter.  

And if ever you mistake me for being lost, don’t come looking because I don’t want to be found.  It is an intentional solitude.

My passion is life. I find purpose in living it. My joy comes from doing that.

I’m not lost.

Hallelujah,

Mum xo


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