Dear Jessica Brennan,
They say if you’re afraid of something and force yourself to do it, the fear disappears. I disagree. I’m terrified of heights and always will be.
When you were about ten, I went on the kiddie Ferris wheel with you and Dad and was petrified. I walked across the open bridge of the Texico refinery, gripped by fear. I ascended the mountain at Banff in a cable car, praying the entire way, and was just as frozen with fear on the descent, if not more. I stared out the windows of the Vanderbilt building in NYC, looking down on the Empire State Building, and felt sheer terror. The CN Tower? Terrified.
Any of those experiences would still frighten me today. So, I don’t think conquering fear is the point. To me, the key is that I did it despite the fear. And perhaps the more significant point is that I don’t regret reaching any of these heights. (Well, I might regret the Ferris wheel because you were embarrassed when I sat on the bottom of the car until the ride was over. I’m sure the other two little girls on the seat across from you didn’t notice.)
In the end, what I remember is the mirrors in the Vanderbilt building reflecting New York City back to me, the view of Lake Ontario from the CN tower, and the cleanest air on earth at the top of the mountain, all outshining the fear I felt getting there.
Love,
Mum xo
