Dear Jessica Brennan,
Occasionally in life you might look at what you need to give up in order to make room for new things. This purging of the old, will help you grow into the next and better version of yourself. I did this exercise recently and this is what I came up with. Please note, I am a work in progress. Subtracting a habit appears to be a lot more difficult than adding one.
EGO – argh. So hard. But releasing the grip of ego, even a little, or at the very least being aware of when you are acting from ego, will change your life dramatically. This is a slow release and happens in stages in my experience. Also, when you’re acting from ego you can feel pretty powerful, even if you look like a jerk, so it is an art to identify the signs. If you’re spouting off at the mouth, holding a firm inflexible position on an issue, trying to be right as though your life depends on it, or overreacting to a situation that you know you will later need to apologize for, you’re likely in the grip of ego.
NEGATIVITY + JUDGEMENT – another tough one to give up in this world. We are surrounded by critics and troublemakers, there is no denying it, so it is easy to jump on that bandwagon and join in. The thing is, you feel horrible when you do. Superiority can feel like a boost until 30 seconds after the unkind words leave your lips, and then if you’re like me, it will eat at you and make you feel dirty and miserable. The casualty of giving up negativity and judgement is, that a lot of people don’t want to be around someone who won’t join in the misery with them. This can be tough. Get those people away from you.
FEAR OF SUCCESS + FAILURE – so basically, fear of everything. What if I fail? People might laugh. People might say I was silly to try. I might lose everything. I might look stupid. What if I succeed? People might say I think I’m better than everyone else. People might shun me and exclude me. Give up the fear, but also give up those people.
TRADE CONTROL FOR TRUST – yikes. I like to be in control. I spend more time planning my vacation than I do having my vacation. I like to know what’s for dinner before I go to work in the morning and I learned early that the only person I could really trust was myself. Time to let go of the old thinking. Time to go with the flow a little more. Time to trust the people who have shown themselves to be trustworthy. Don’t shoot butterflies with rifles, just let go.
EXCUSES – I think this applies to us all in this part of our evolution. It is so easy to blame the dog for the homework. To blame the weather for why we lashed out. To blame the coworker for the poor result. Excuses are another example of things that make us feel depleted. Excuses are largely lies and liars are weaklings. What makes us feel strong? Self control and taking responsibility for our actions. How very grown up.
These are the things I’m giving up, and it is no small feat to keep myself in check. Life is a journey that takes place by putting one foot in front of the other and moving incrementally (mostly) forward (hopefully). What will you give up?
Love,
Mum xo
