Dear Jessica Brennan,
When we are children, most of us are given fairly good instruction on how to behave; to be obedient and well-mannered. Then, as we get a bit older, we are told about the changes to expect in our bodies, how to speak up for ourselves and what makes a good life partner.
I would like to suggest that another bit of training should take place at about age thirty-five to let you know what’s on the horizon. I could have used instructions to navigate some of this, that’s for sure.
These are some things I struggled with:
- Yes, the body changes significantly somewhere between age ten and fifteen. Emotions are affected. It’s natural. But your body will change just as profoundly somewhere between forty and fifty-five. Emotions will be involved again. This, too, is natural.
- You have been a good and obedient child your whole life. Someday though, you may be called upon to parent your parents. Me and Dad. Those people who have looked after you their entire lives, at some point, may need looking after. This isn’t easy for anyone.
- Something most of us know is how to get into relationships with grace. You know from your job that graciously getting out of them is rarely a skill people have. That takes work and a strong centre, whether a romantic relationship, a career move or a friendship that has gone sideways. We aren’t trained how to do this.
- Finally, when you are young, you are relevant to all people and feel vital. After a certain age (this differs from one person to another), you begin to realize that you are largely irrelevant to the world. Being older seems to give younger people an ability to dismiss you as though years spent navigating life make you less in the know rather than more credible. That one stings a bit, even though we were all young and have likely done this to some poor old dear who was about my age.
These are just some things I have noticed looking back at the years you are looking forward to. I’m sure there will be more.
Love,
Mum xo
