Dear Jessica Brennan,
As you know, I am writing a mystery. It is hard, and I spend about half my time writing and the other half freaking myself out with unsubstantiated fear that I’m writing it wrong. It is all part of it; the chaotic thoughts and doubt.
One day, I was editing a section, and I realized that while the draft was in great shape, the book was far from finished. I was editing the book before I finished the story. Then I recognized other patterns of behaviour in my life that mirrored this kind of editing.
I’m writing query letters at the moment. For those of you who haven’t ever visited this particular chamber of hell, a query letter is written to literary agents to entice them to read your manuscript and sign you as an author. Now, you would think if you could write a book, you could write a letter. Unfortunately, there is so much at stake with this particular kind of correspondence that sheer terror takes over. Every single word on the page looks like it has fallen recklessly in the wrong place.
This is just the kind of scenario where I might find myself editing before I write. The cold sweat and whooshing in my ears may be part of the reason why. By edit, I mean telling myself to tone down the dream and listen to the voice in my head that asks, “Just exactly who do you think you are, writing a book?”
I can remember times when I fiercely edited a dream until it was nothing, before I had even mapped out the plan to see it through. I’ve told myself why I can’t do this, learn that, wear this, and have that prior to even getting to the exploration stage. So now, I’m learning to let the story reveal itself instead of trying to control the outcome by hacking life’s flow to bits before it can come to fruition.
What’s wrong with editing? Am I not just protecting myself from some of life’s painful failures? Perhaps, but when you over-edit your dreams or the path to your dreams, you are also editing your future happiness.
Love,
Mum xo