Dear Jessica Brennan,
A few weeks ago I had the privilege of spending some time with two small children. One was 3, almost 4 and the other was 2. Kids are great at getting what they want, and doing what they want. Adults, not so much. We can learn from kids.
In an effort to crack the code on these two, I naively decided to engage them in conversation and commit myself to their tactics.
Me: How are you?
4 year old (watching Frozen): (silence)
Me: Are you watching Frozen?
4 year old (slight raise of one eyebrow as though to say “why are you asking me a question you clearly know the answer to”): (silence)
Me: Do you want something to eat?
4 year old: (gaze remains on Frozen, and small finger points to kitchen – I’m not sure if she’s pointing to food or simply telling me to go, so to be safe, I go to find the 2 year old)
Me: Hi sweetie how’s it going?
2 year old: Uncle Jason airplane
Me: Are you ready for a snack?
2 year old: Granddad boat
Me: How about some blueberries
2 year old: Hug Nana
Me: There you go, enjoy!
2 year old: Drive boat
Me: Are we going for a boat ride later?
2 year old: Drive boat
Me: We need to ask Granddad if you can drive the boat
2 year old (with calm, low and paced almost possessed voice, points at me): Drive. Boat. Lady.
I get a little chill like I’m in a horror movie.
Later that day as the 4 year old was eating the snack of her choice, humming “Let it Go”, and the 2 year old was driving the boat on his Granddad’s knee it occurred to me that we can do this as adults. I mean every self-help guru I’ve read says if we are as persistent as adults as we were as kids, we will succeed, so I gave it a try when I got home. Here’s how it went.
Dad: How are you?
Me: (watching Mr Robot): (silence)
Dad: Are you watching Mr Robot?
Me: (slight raise of one eyebrow as though to say “why are you asking me a question you clearly know the answer to”): (silence)
Dad: Do you want something to eat?
Me: (gaze remains on Mr Robot, and finger points to kitchen)
Dad makes himself a sandwich and goes to hide in his studio.
Later that night…
Dad: Hi sweetie how’s it going?
Me: Uncle Jason airplane
Dad: (puzzled) Are you ready for a snack?
Me: Grandad boat
Dad: Grandad? What? How about some chips
Me: Hug Nana
Dad: What? Are you OK? He feels my forehead
Me: Drive boat
Dad: Are you messing with me or are you not feeling well?
Me: Drive boat
Dad: What boat? Airplane? What? Should I call someone?
Me: (with calm, low and paced almost possessed voice): Drive. Boat. Lady.
As the gurney rumbled across the tile floor and I could see fluorescent lights go by overhead one by one, I said to my driver,
Me: I was just kidding about the boat
Man in white jacket: We can talk about that tomorrow
Me: Tomorrow? No, c’mon, I was just messing around
Man in white jacket: It’s not good to waste our time. Tell me about the airplane and the boat.
Me: What? There’s no boat.
Man in white jacket: Your Nana has been dead since 1987. You scared your husband half to death and I’m guessing he has to be pretty unflappable, so you need to stay until tomorrow, even if it’s just to give him a break. Now get into bed.
Man in white jacket leaves the room, and just before the door closes I utter evenly, with a calm, low and paced almost possessed voice “Drive. Boat. Lady” all scary like, just to give him a thrill. What fun!
My Dear Jessica, I’m in room 1313, bring my Chucky mask.
Love Mum xo
Ha ha ha! <3