Guest contributor, Jessica.
Dear Mum,
We all grew up being told little white lies by our mums. Some tried and true favourites are “Your face will stick like that!” and “Don’t sit so close to the TV or you’ll go cross-eyed!”. Well, dear readers, I thought you might enjoy my top three favourite little white lies I was told growing up.
The first one was that if you snoop for your Christmas presents, Santa will take them all back.
Now, it may seem clear as an adult that if Santa hadn’t been yet, the presents should not be in the house. However, as a child, I can assure you this was a terrifying prospect. I would go out of my way not to look anywhere I thought a present could be lurking, for fear that Santa would not come.
One day, I opened the linen closet to look for something innocent like a towel, and an empty plastic bag came gently floating down from the top shelf. I immediately started crying, shut the door quickly and went and hid in my bedroom, convinced Santa would not be making an appearance that year. Of course, Santa did come and an empty plastic bag was not wrapped up under the tree.
The second fib that sticks with me to this day, is that if you get arrested, it’s because you were doing something wrong. You WILL go to jail, and you WILL stay there. I remember asking the appropriate follow up questions such as “What if I didn’t actually do it, and they got it wrong?” or “What if I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time?”. It did not matter.
If you got arrested, it was because you were guilty.
As an adult I like to torture myself by watching true crime documentaries about the wrongfully convicted and, to this day, if a police officer drives by me I get nervous. This little white lie definitely helped keep me on the right side of the law!
The final fib had a lot of truth to it, and that was “If you don’t (do it), I will know”.
An example of this began on a typical Canadian spring morning. As my fellow Canadians know, this means that you walk to work in a snowstorm and come home in a bikini. As I left the house to walk to school, I was fully bundled in my snowsuit, hat, mittens, scarf and boots. Mum had said “You keep your snowsuit on no matter what! If you don’t, I will know!”.
Therefore, when school had finished for the day and the mercury had risen to a beautiful balmy temperature with the sun shining bright, I put on my snowsuit, hat, mittens, scarf and boots to walk home. I remember the teacher trying to tell me gently that this was not necessary, that it was actually quite warm outside. I informed her that she did not understand. I was under strict instructions to wear it all, and SHE would know!
I got home about 5 minutes later, purple in the face and dripping with sweat. My poor mum came running, stripping layers off in hurried concern and asking me what I was thinking wearing all of these clothes on such a hot day?! I was exasperated and shouted, “You said I had to keep them on!!!!!”
So dear readers, as you can imagine these fibs have all carried into my adult life with my mum still saying to me “I WILL know!” and threatening me that Santa will not come. Each time one of these little white lies is said, we will erupt into giggles over the many happy memories they have created. I love you, Mum.
Happy Mother’s Day!!
Love,
Jessica xoxo
