Dear Jessica Brennan,
Why do some people who go to buffets act like they will never eat again? They are standing in front of aisles of more food than a thousand people can eat yet they pile their plates up with everything they can find. Pickles mixed in with cheesecake, layered with meatballs, smothered in gravy and topped with lasagna, just in case all the food is gone before they wolf down what’s on their plate. My favourite sign at buffets is, “No doggy bags”.
Take a breath people. No one is going to take it away from you.
All. You. Can. Eat. Got that?
I’m not a big fan of buffets. I like to be addressed by Josh or Michelle who will be my server for this evening, who tells me about the specials with specific detail and then proceeds to charge me too much.
“The catch of the day is a single smelt, perched (get it?) on a tablespoon of jasmine rice and surrounded by a bed of kale. It’s $29.95. We don’t do 6 or 9 ounce glasses of wine, we only do 5 or 8 ounce glasses, but don’t worry because we charge you the same price as if they were larger.”
Now that’s a real restaurant!
I would love to be a server at a buffet though. I could run the specials for the throngs of drooling eaters.
“Hi my name is Sharon and I will be your server for today. Please don’t approach the buffet until I say, on your mark, get set, go. Our special today is tandoori wings. Please don’t pile the lemon trifle on them because as you’re inhaling your dinner you might inadvertently choke on a chicken bone. Please don’t sneeze into the buffet, or eat the silverware and if there’s only one celery stick, don’t wrestle for it, as there will be more coming out of the kitchen momentarily. Use your words.
OK, take your places. On your mark…”
Love Mum
xo
