Dear Jessica Brennan,
If you read what I tend to read and listen to what I tend to listen to, you hear a lot about bringing your best self to the world. I find though, that it isn’t always easy to do this, so sometimes I stop reading and listening, and just carry on. It is too daunting.
Even when I’m bringing my good self, my acceptable self, my appropriate and reliable self, I know that I could bring more. Let’s face it, best is a word that requires an awful lot.
How many days in your life do you think that for the whole day, you’ve actually brought your best self? I’m going to guess um, none.
This would need to be a day that you didn’t get up and look out the window and wish you could crawl back under the covers and hide. You didn’t have a donut in the drive-thru or over-caffeinate your poor body. You didn’t utter a mild oath under your breath behind the wheel, act grumpy to your husband or wish your co-worker would stop talking about his pet gerbil. You didn’t down a glass of wine to calm your nerves, skip the gym, or trade trash television for a Ted Talk.
So I was thinking, as I do, what if I could work up to my best self because in fact, I for one sometimes enjoy living in the realm of my slightly compromised self from time to time. My not so great self can bring a humorous perspective to my best self. So what if, instead of the full-on-24 hour-best-ever-self, I could just notice a moment in a day where I’m bringing my best to the world?
If I could notice the salad and not the fries and scream, “Well done!” Notice the kind word, the self-restraint, the being present with the person who so needs it, then perhaps I would also notice how good that feels, and then the next day, I might notice two moments and so on.
I often fall into the category of ridiculous when it comes to improvement. If I can’t produce, then I’m a failure. If I can’t do 20 pushups then I might as well not do one. This all comes from the stories I’ve told myself, and perhaps, but not necessarily may also be based on stories someone else told me in the past.
But personal historical fiction aside, here is what’s true. You don’t think, “Hey I’d like to be in Montreal, and voila, there you are”. You go mile by mile, step by step until you arrive. Each step is equally important, even when Montreal seems like a long way away. If you stop after the third mile, you aren’t getting there. Take more steps and eventually, you will get to Montreal.
You don’t lose weight by saying, “I want to be 20 pounds lighter”, and boom your jeans fall off. You lose weight an ounce, a pound, a kilogram at a time. Each bite along the way is as important as the last bite you take the day you are finally down to pound-20, even in those early difficult bites when no one notices how hard you’re trying. Take fewer bites and eventually, the weight will come off.
And you don’t just suddenly live your best life. You learn to first notice when you’re not living it, and you celebrate when you are, and you make incremental changes that bring you to being the person you want to be. Notice more, implement more and eventually your life will be better.
Isn’t that a total drag?
Zero instant gratification, just working and noticing, and working and growing, and working and watching as the best you is uncovered and revealed, with almost undetectable changes every day. No social media worthy impact, just you with yourself doing what’s hard and needs to be done in tiny, excruciating little actions.
Sorry for the bad news, but it starts with a step, a bite; a moment a day, and Dear Jess and Dear Reader, when you finally get there and arrive at that place where you know for sure you are your best self, here’s my real advice; do better.
Love,
Mum xo