Dear Jessica Brennan,
Recently I tried to have a cup of tea with my friend Sally. The emails went like this:
ME: Hi Sally, would you like to get a cup of tea on Saturday?
SALLY: sure
IMPORTANT NOTICE: This e-mail message is intended to be received only by persons entitled to receive the confidential information and any attachments it may contain. E-mail messages from sallyemail.org may contain information that is confidential and legally privileged. Any unauthorized review, use, disclosure or distribution is prohibited. Please do not read, copy, forward, or store this message unless you are an intended recipient of it. The sender does not accept any responsibility for any loss, disruption or damage to your data or computer, mobile, information systems that may occur while using data contained in, or transmitted with, this email. If you have received this message in error, please contact the sender by reply email and destroy all copies of the original message from your computers, any mobile devices, and information systems.
ME: Ok, what time?
SALLY: 2?
IMPORTANT NOTICE: This e-mail message is intended to be received only by persons entitled to receive the confidential information and any attachments it may contain. E-mail messages from sallyemail.org may contain information that is confidential and legally privileged. Any unauthorized review, use, disclosure or distribution is prohibited. Please do not read, copy, forward, or store this message unless you are an intended recipient of it. The sender does not accept any responsibility for any loss, disruption or damage to your data or computer, mobile, information systems that may occur while using data contained in, or transmitted with, this email. If you have received this message in error, please contact the sender by reply email and destroy all copies of the original message from your computers, any mobile devices, and information systems.
ME: Ok where?
IMPORTANT NOTICE: This e-mail message is intended to be received only by me – is that right Sally? I am entitled to receive the confidential information and any attachments it may contain? I get it that e-mail messages from Sally may contain information that is confidential and legally privileged because obviously she’s an undercover agent for MI6. Understandable precautions are being taken particularly because this message contains info about mugs of tea. Any unauthorized review, use, disclosure or distribution is prohibited by Sally who is clearly paranoid about sending email. I hope this message was for me because I already read, copied, and forwarded it to everyone in my address book. I don’t think I should make direct eye contact with Sally on Saturday. What do all you guys think who aren’t supposed to be reading this? I understand that Sally does not accept any responsibility for any loss, disruption or damage to my data or computer, mobile, information systems that may occur while using data contained in, or transmitted with, this email. If I have received this message in error it’s a bit late, so just in case, I have destroyed all copies of the original message and blown up all of my computers, mobile devices, and information systems. This message will self-destruct in 20, 19, 18…
SALLY: Chapters?
IMPORTANT NOTICE: This e-mail message is intended to be received only by persons entitled to receive the confidential information and any attachments it may contain. E-mail messages from sallyemail.org may contain information that is confidential and legally privileged. Any unauthorized review, use, disclosure or distribution is prohibited. Please do not read, copy, forward, or store this message unless you are an intended recipient of it. The sender does not accept any responsibility for any loss, disruption or damage to your data or computer, mobile, information systems that may occur while using data contained in, or transmitted with, this email. If you have received this message in error, please contact the sender by reply email and destroy all copies of the original message from your computers, any mobile devices, and information systems.
Me: Looking forward to it.
IMPORTANT NOTICE: This invitation for tea is intended to be received only by Sally. No one else is entitled to receive the location information, particular brew or any tea bag brands it may contain. E-mail messages from Dear Jessica Brennan’s Mum may contain tea sommelier information that is confidential and legally privileged. Any unauthorized review, use, disclosure, steeping or distribution is prohibited. Please do not slurp, sip, pour, or store this message unless you are an intended recipient of it. The sender does not accept any responsibility for any loss of appetite, disruption in sleep, damage to your kettle or tea pot, china cup or gastrointestinal systems that may occur while using tea contained in, or transmitted with, this email. If you have received this message in error, please pour boiling water on your keyboard and destroy all tea leaves – especially chai – any tea press, and filtration systems and the original packaging, then jump out a window with a scone in your ear, wearing a ridiculous floral-print sunhat and humming Tea in the Sahara.
Love Mum
xo
