Dear Jessica Brennan,
Sometime back around 1991, Dad bought me some dark chocolate, and no-doubt not wanting to offend him, I said, “oh yum-yum, thank you!”
I don’t like dark chocolate.
Every Christmas, Valentine’s Day and Easter since, I have been presented with something carefully and lovingly chosen, in dark chocolate.
Many of us find ourselves in these kinds of scenarios and often with a greater price to pay than a piece of chocolate. If you agree to volunteer for something you don’t really want to do, or to go out for dinner with someone who has already proven to be poor company. You go on that date with someone you don’t really like, or agree to babysit because you feel like you should. Or greater still to stay in a bad marriage, let the boss knock you down, take the hits from every kind of bully – these sorts of things can make you feel resentful, stressed and upset – mostly with yourself for not taking care of your own needs. Once in, these are hard scenarios to get out of.
We are taught that nice people are agreeable, and I realize there is a fine line between too agreeable and too selfish, but when you know that if you agree to do something, stay somewhere or just take it from someone, you are going to regret it (often immediately), find a way to get out of it.
Many a sitcom has had a storyline based on things like my dark chocolate dilemma, where someone praises someone or something that they don’t really like, or agrees to something that they don’t really want to do in order to be agreeable, only then to need to admit the truth, or back-pedal to get out of the situation.
In our house, of course, finally admitting to this was quite funny. Here’s how it went:
Me: You can have this candy. I don’t like dark chocolate
Dad: Yes you do. You love dark chocolate.
Me: No, I really don’t
Dad: Yes you do. I buy it for you all the time.
Me: I know, but no, I really, really don’t.
Dad softly and kindly (as though I have become a bit slow with age): Yes…you….do.
Truly, why wouldn’t he think I liked dark chocolate? Not unlike Dad and the dark chocolate, you can’t really blame other people for thinking you want to continue with activities that you willingly signed up for.
Love,
Mum xo
