Dear Jessica Brennan,
It only took me about 50 years, but I finally recognized something I do to myself that I think others do also. It is an act of creative violence and until I recognized it, it stopped me in my tracks every time. I tend to do it in two very distinct ways. Do you do it too?
The first thing I do is this. I gear up to accomplish something great. I research it, plan for it, get excited about it, but then when it comes time to actually start it, I retreat. I only do this with things that directly affect me. So for example, if I say I’m going to do something for a friend, I just do it. But if it is something for myself, I often bail at the last minute.
At first, I thought it was about confidence or maybe self sacrifice, or self deprivation, but now I know it isn’t about that at all. It’s about ego.
The second way I do it is this. I start something and it is going great. I write a book or a series of workshops, a video series or song lyrics, but when it comes time to “ship” it, I withdraw.
Consequently I have a book that’s 85% done, a play that’s 70% done. I have 3 workshops – topics “Who am I, Now What”, “Writing for Healing” and “How to Deal with Toxic People”, fully complete and ready to execute, but I haven’t offered them yet. Why? Fear, maybe. Ego, definitely.
The ego loves to be in control. It hates change and loves things to stay the same because it feels like it can then micromanage life. It can’t of course. Businesses get into trouble, people leave or die, rain ruins a holiday, the flight gets delayed, your new brother-in-law doesn’t “get” you. Things change all the time.
But there’s another side to this too that maybe we are even more afraid of. It is called wild success – the book becomes a bestseller, the play and songs are smash hits or people actually get as much out of the workshops as I know they can, and lives are improved. Even as I write this though, I hear my ego chirping inside my head.
- “Who do you think you are?”
- “Why would anyone want to take your workshop?”
- “It’s safer where you are, so drop it.”
- “You might fail.”
- “You need to be knocked down a peg or two.”
- “People will criticize you.”
The ego has an entire laundry list of reasons why whatever it is, won’t work. It has itemized examples of my own shortcomings, and file folders full of how others have failed in the same endeavours.
The ego sends out hesitation and reluctance as its initial welcome to any good ideas and, if the message doesn’t get through quickly and with laser intensity, it sends objection and full on aversion as its poison dart. Until we can recognize what the ego is doing with these four bad words, nothing we create will see the light of day.
Hesitation, reluctance, objection, aversion will come every time we want to do something great, and most of us are very accustomed to shutting down when they appear. We think the feelings that these emotions bring are a sign not to proceed. So we stop.
Once we notice though that this is just the static of the ego, and we see the pattern of this fear showing up every single time we want to do something new, we start to understand that the only way to true creativity is to push through the ego’s noise. The thoughts inside your head are not you, they are just a barrage of garbage bouncing around in your skull like space debris, so in my experience you shouldn’t take them seriously. The only way to get to the next level of your life is to break through that low, thick fog that is keeping you stuck in a rut.
The sun is up there. Don’t you want to feel it?
I know firsthand how frightening it is to say things like:
- “Would you like to take my workshop?”
- “Here are my lyrics can you write songs with me?”
- “I’m writing a play can you help me?”
- “Will you publish my book?”
- “I’m great at what you’re missing, will you hire me to help you?”
- “I can help your cause, will you bring me into your group?”
- “I’m going to lose weight, quit drinking, stop smoking, leave him, save money…”
- “You seem sad, can I help?”
Yet these are the very kinds of courageous things that make a great life. Without these leaps of faith your creativity and sensitivity to humanity may flat-line, you might get depressed, you might go numb and give up.
Hesitation, reluctance, objection, aversion – they will show up every time something real and important is in your creative sphere, and they will accelerate your pulse and make you break out in a sweat. You will question things and likely feel the need for flight. But instead of seeing these thoughts as an indication that you need to stop, reconsider if they are actually just fear of the unknown. Is it the ego protecting itself and not what really serves you? Maybe just maybe if you see these four heart-stopping emotions as a sign that you should go forward rather than retreat, you will re-tune the dial, the static will go, and a world of possibility will arrive and bring with it, sunlight and clarity.
Love,
Mum xo